Three men and a woman

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about
their professions.


The first guy says ' I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent,
Ecologist.'


The second guy says 'I'm a D.I.N.K, you know...
Double Income, No Kids.'


The third guy says, ' I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich,
Urban, Biker.'


They turn to the woman and ask her, ' What are you? '



She replies: ' I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.

A trip to the hospital

A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off
from his penis.


According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girlfriend
found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him
that she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis
while he was asleep.


I don't know what's worse:


1) Having your girlfriend find out you're married. 2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis. 3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.,

Plant Earth & Oral Sex

St Peter had to do a yearly report on plant earth, this report
was going to God, when he was in front of God, God said St Peter
you look Sad, St Peter looked up at God and said, , God we
have a Problem on Earth, God said what kind of Problem? St
Peter said 90% of people on Plant Earth are preforming Oral
Sex on each other, God said to St Peter what do you think we
shoud do? St Peter looked up at God and said God if I were you
I would send the a Letter of Praise to the 10% of People that
is Not preforming Oral Sex, ,(Praising Them!!) Do you
know what that Letter Said?????????? if you answer No,



"WE DID NOT GET ONE EITHER"!!!!! LOL!!!!

Under the covers

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the
woman became aware that her husband was touching her in
a most unusual manner.


He started by running his hand across her shoulders and
the small of her back.He ran his hand over her breasts, touching
them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently
down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then
down the other side to a point below her waist.


He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side
and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her
thighs. His gentle stroking then started up the inside
of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same
to her right thigh.


By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed
a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly
and rolled over to his side of the bed.


"Why are you stopping?" she whispered.


He whispered back, "I found the remote."

joke in Hospital Room

A woman lay in a coma in the hospital while the nurses were
in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing
her private area and noticed that there was a response on
the monitor when she touched her.


They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling
him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex
will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."


The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd
close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed
and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the
woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.



The nurses rushed into the room. "What happened?"
they cried.


The husband said, "I dunno. I guess she choked."